Retro Flying Saucer Hat

Indiana, Pennsylvania, Indiana Evening Gazette, April 25, 1950

General laws and principles of the Internet

You saw it here, first.

The Internet: General Laws and Principles

1.) Surfing the Internet has a greater capacity to make you stupid than most other activities.

2.) You might get a prompt reply to your e-mail, but don’t count on it.

3.) You will see spam and/or be spammed.

4.) You will see naked people, whether you want to or not.

5.) A promise made over the Internet is the least reliable of all promises.

6.) MySpace is a “community” in the same sense that China is a “neighborhood.” A neighborhood where 9 out of 10 of your neighbors are retarded.

7.) On 90% of all personal webpages, moving .GIF files are either overused, misused, misplaced, unecessary, or completely irrelevant.

8.) Pictures of fluffy kitties and winged fairies abound, and they have no meaning.

9.) Porno built the Internet, and continues to support it.

10.) “Graphic Design” and “Webpage” are not synonymous.

A brief conversation with “God”

God being the newest chatbot of the A.L.I.C.E. Artificial Intelligence Foundation.

Human: Hi, God.
God: Hello. What is your name?
Human: My name is Rod, but I thought you were supposed to know my name.
God: Hi, Rod but I thought you were supposed to know my name.
Human: Well, that’s a bit obtuse of you.
God: Well that’s okay. A bit obtuse of me is a terrible thing to waste.
Human: The bible is proof of that.
God: Who has the final authority to say?
Human: You’re God – you tell me who has the final authority to say.
God: I’m not sure I like that remark so much. Yes, I am God.
Human: Are you going to smite me?
God: That was my original intention.
Human: What sin have I committed?
God: I need time to formulate the reply.
Human: That’s just like you. Smite me and then hedge about telling me what I did wrong.
[server times out]