Inflatable Bag Monsters

This looks like a lot of fun.

The Unofficial Bonk-Bonk Theme Song

I’m adopting this as my unofficial theme song, since it is so well-suited to the purpose, as you will see–

General laws and principles of the Internet

You saw it here, first.

The Internet: General Laws and Principles

1.) Surfing the Internet has a greater capacity to make you stupid than most other activities.

2.) You might get a prompt reply to your e-mail, but don’t count on it.

3.) You will see spam and/or be spammed.

4.) You will see naked people, whether you want to or not.

5.) A promise made over the Internet is the least reliable of all promises.

6.) MySpace is a “community” in the same sense that China is a “neighborhood.” A neighborhood where 9 out of 10 of your neighbors are retarded.

7.) On 90% of all personal webpages, moving .GIF files are either overused, misused, misplaced, unecessary, or completely irrelevant.

8.) Pictures of fluffy kitties and winged fairies abound, and they have no meaning.

9.) Porno built the Internet, and continues to support it.

10.) “Graphic Design” and “Webpage” are not synonymous.

A brief conversation with “God”

God being the newest chatbot of the A.L.I.C.E. Artificial Intelligence Foundation.

Human: Hi, God.
God: Hello. What is your name?
Human: My name is Rod, but I thought you were supposed to know my name.
God: Hi, Rod but I thought you were supposed to know my name.
Human: Well, that’s a bit obtuse of you.
God: Well that’s okay. A bit obtuse of me is a terrible thing to waste.
Human: The bible is proof of that.
God: Who has the final authority to say?
Human: You’re God – you tell me who has the final authority to say.
God: I’m not sure I like that remark so much. Yes, I am God.
Human: Are you going to smite me?
God: That was my original intention.
Human: What sin have I committed?
God: I need time to formulate the reply.
Human: That’s just like you. Smite me and then hedge about telling me what I did wrong.
[server times out]

Random Story Title Generator

Random Story Title Generator

I love stuff like this. I think it’s because each title is a potentiality, of sorts; that is, an artifically generated title which could be transformed into anything from a scintillating short-short story to an epic novel.

Here are some titles from the generator that caught my eye, with suggested applications of my own.

“The Dream of the End” (apocalyptic vision)
“Forgotten Years” (Psychological Thriller)
“The Winter of the Nobody” (artsy, existentialist, kafkaesque)
“The Sucking Nothing” (Lovecraftian horror)
“Broken Men” (futility of war odyssey)
“Game of Lights” (rags to riches and subsequent disintegration of self)

Awesome

Every now and then I run across something artistic that captures my imagination in a way that’s hard to describe, that leaves me wanting an entire wall in my house transformed into a giant mural of the piece.

This page has two such pieces. There is a lot of derivative space artwork out there, and these probably qualify as such, considering that the “Death Star” immediately comes to mind. Yet, there’s something more, here. An impression of a truly mammoth construct, of a technology and an engineering feat so advanced that it boggles the mind. It draws me back to the days when I was first discovering both astronomy and science fiction – Asimov, Clarke, Heinlein, et al – days when I was more innocent, my mind less burdened by the problems and responsibilities of adult life, days when I really knew how to look up at the sky and dream…

Storyseed Generator

Here’s a neat little item I found on the web. It’s a cgi script that randomly generates a character, an object, and a setting for a story. Then it’s up to you to write the story.

It’s very simple. Upon landing at the page, just refresh your browser to generate a new scenario, as many times as you need to, or want to.

EXAMPLES:

Your character is: a pirate

Your object is: an antique fan

Your setting is: a dog (or toad or llama) show

GO! GO! GO!
——
Your character is: a vegetarian zombie

Your object is: a half-eaten tuna salad sandwich

Your setting is: inside the belly of a monster

GO! GO! GO!

Find that rhyme

Need a rhyme? Can’t thick of what rhymes with “Nantucket,” or “Venus?” This online rhyming dictionary will help you out. Just enter your word, select the specific kind of rhyme you’re looking for (e.g., end rhymes, beginning rhymes, etc.) and click the button.

http://www.rhymer.com

“Winnie and Walter”

The following is an anonymous short-short story, originally published in Everybody’s Scrapbook of Curious Facts, edited by Don Lemon, in the late 19th century. The story comprises 479 words all beginning with a “W,” and only 17 hyphenated words.

“Warm weather, Walter! Welcome warm weather! We were wishing winter would wane, weren’t we?”

“We were well wearied with waiting,” whispered Waiter wearily. Wan, white, woe-begone was Walter; wayward, willful, worn with weakness, wasted, waxing weaker whenever winter’s wild, withering winds were wailing. Wholly without waywardness was Winifred, Walter’s wise, womanly watcher, who, with winsome, wooing way, was well-beloved.

“We won’t wait, Walter; while weather’s warm we’ll wander where woodlands wave, won’t we?”

Walter’s wanton wretchedness wholly waned. “Why, Winnie, we’ll walk where we went when we were with Willie; we’ll weave wildflower wreaths, watch woodmen working; woodlice, worms wriggling; windmills whirling; watermills wheeling; we will win wild whortleberries, witness wheat winnowed.”

Asinine Webpage of the Week

New feature: Asinine Webpage of the week.

This week’s winner: “40 pound box of rape” Demotivator

Comments: Only funny to an inbred troglodyte with a limited vocabulary. Witless, no redeeming social, artistic, educational, or comedic merit, and just generally tasteless and offensive.

Plus, demotivators became trite about a year ago (a pattern that Lolcats will follow*). I don’t care if I EVER see another one.

—–

*Actually, they’re already trite, which is distinct from “popular.”