Archive for the 'sex' Category

06
Jun
08

Pulled Pork for the Common Man


This article was originally published in The Land of Farts and Sunshine.

I hate Bob, the Enzyte guy, with a passion. Or maybe I just hate what he stands for – sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference. Either way, I’ve had more than my fill of the Enzyte “male enhancement” infomercials. I can scarcely avert my eyes and hit the mute button fast enough when the Bob’s rigid (no pun intended), smiling mask appears.

I hate the Enzyte commercials because, 1.) They are stupid, and because 2.) They are stupid.

Seriously, though, it’s ludicrous to think that a guy can lose his drawers at a middle-American suburban pool party, and all the retro ladies (where did they come from? – this is 2007) are going to be either charmed, or awed, and his wife is going to be proud. How about shocked, traumatized, and mortified?

It pretty much goes to show you, however, that some American men hold their “little buddy” in the highest of esteem, else Enzyte wouldn’t sell so well. Capitalizing on the hope that at least some men will psychically graft their head onto Bob’s shoulders, the manufacturer of Enzyte, Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, has made millions selling a product that simply doesn’t work. Last year, they also had to pay out $2.5 million in a class action suit, accusing the company of deceptive business practices. Mind you, these “deceptive practices” had nothing whatsoever to do with whether or not the product actually produces “male enhancement” (because “male enhancment” is deliberately vague enough to mean almost anything, and certainly vague enough to account for any placebo effects that men taking Enzyte may experience, which they might interpret as “enhancement”). The lawsuit, rather, concerned unethical business practices, like billing customers for product they never purchased, and not giving refunds, even though refunds are ostensibly the company’s policy.

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